justnick's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Harvey Britain OK, I'm posting the first bit of what I've been writing lately, for lack of any other real content. Tell me if you'd want to keep reading. Oh, and don't steal it. Not that you would, but... you know. Copyright pending and all that shit. Do you ever wish for the apocalypse? I mean, sit in bed and just fucking pray with your entire heart and soul for a huge comet to come crashing through your window? I�m talking mushroom cloud, death from above, cock-slapping Mother Nature right between the eyes. Fucking ragnarok, man. I have. Every day of my life. When I wake up, I stare at the ceiling and try through pure force of will to bring it crashing down on my head. I�ve had a hangover every morning for as far back as I can remember, and I don�t even fucking drink. Every person I�ve ever come into contact with thinks I�m insane, but just doesn�t care enough to lobotomize me and throw me in an institution, or just put me out of my damn misery themselves. I swear to God I�ve had the Theme Song from The Facts of Life in my head for twelve fucking years. But I�m getting ahead of myself. Hi. My name�s Harvey Britain--stupidest damn name in the world, I know. Yeah, like the country. Make a joke, please; I�ve never heard any. The next time I hear anyone say �Big Ben�, I�m going to rip their fucking throats out. But you know what? Harvey is even worse. You tell someone your name is Harvey and they get this image in their head, like they�ve got you figured out. They hear your name and their tones change, you know? Like they�re talking to a walking fucking punch line. Waitresses always think you want the same thing, too: bagels. It�s my curse. Everyone presumes I�m some kind of bagel aficionado, based solely on my first name. I fucking hate bagels. I�m not even Jewish. My point is, people are all idiots. They tell me I�m insane, and I�d love to believe them if not for the completely overwhelming evidence otherwise. Humanity�s idiocy is everywhere you look. There�s answers to every question anyone�s ever asked painted all over the place, but people wander around like cattle, chewing their fucking ignorance. The only reason I�ve never actually killed myself is a fear that hell could somehow be even worse. That�s right, I believe in God. And why shouldn�t I, the evidence is all over the place. I believe in God, and I fear Him. I fear Him because humanity is based on his image, and your average human is one sick mother fucker. God is around, and he�s a dick. You want proof? Tourette�s. Fucking Tourette�s syndrome. The Church will try to fill you with their over-zealous �Lord�s Plan� bullshit, but next time Padre starts preaching ask him about that. You telling me that every time some poor bastard screams out �cunt bomb fuck� in an airport, totally against his will, God isn�t up there laughing his divine ass off? No fucking way, man. There 'tis. Thoughts? Excelsior. 6:39 p.m. - 2005-02-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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