justnick's Diaryland Diary

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They all look alike to her anyway

Kelsi, frankly I expected better from you. I checked my email today, and there was an email with the subject "Hey Nick, it's Kelsi! :-)" Not making that up. I did a happy little jig, and I openned it. Well, you know what I found? Porn. Oodles and oodles of the stuff. Not even the tolerable kind, either, but the midgets-shtupping-horses kind that will really ruin your day. Now Kelsi, I'm not saying you are either a midget, horse, or afficionado of horse-midget relations, but damnit woman, that shit ain't cool. So word to the wise, if Kelsi sends you an email, steer clear.

All jokes, I know you didn't really send that email. The dash-nose emoticon should have given it away. I honestly did get one, though.

Anyone seen Lil' Kim's new video? "Lighter's up"? Now there's a new concept, hmm? (Lighters up, cause light's out is at 2200 hours in the hoosegow and I'm halfway through a bitchin-cool indy 'zine) Answer me just one thing: When in the fuck did Lil' Kim become every woman? Looks like Whitney Houston is out of a job, cause apparently Kim is now Dominican, Jamaican, and from Brooklyn. Where did that accent come from, because you are neither Sean Paul, Ziggy Marley, or Snow. And last time I checked, just being black and wanting to cash in on the success of reggaeton do not actually make you Dominican. If people are allowed to just swap nationalities like that, I'm going to go release an album in Gaelic.

Oh, and while we're on the subject of casual racism, check this out. I saw this on a softer world, and it tickled my funny bone. And the ladies know how much I love having my funny-bone tickled. Too easy.

OK, and just before I leave you to go on about your lives, I give you further proof as to why being my friend is a constant chore.

the grubermeister says:
but it was my new year's resolution to get into shape

the grubermeister says:
it IS my new year's resolution

Nick says:
I was considering that one, but knew I wouldnt follow through

the grubermeister says:
what did you pick instead?

Nick says:
No murder.

Nick says:
I'm going for realistic, yet beneficial to society at large

the grubermeister says:
which part of that is realistic?

Nick says:
not murdering people is fairly doable, I'd say

the grubermeister says:
you'd think

Nick says:
hence the realistic

the grubermeister says:
riiiiiight, right

the grubermeister says:
i'd say "but seriously", but i don't want to

Nick says:
say "but seriously"?

the grubermeister says:
yeah. i'm thinking your next idea of a funny joke would be telling me that you're going to cut down on eating human body parts or something

Nick says:
I never said my resolution was to cut down on murder, I said it was to continue not murdering people

the grubermeister says:
right, right. big difference

Nick says:
well there is

Nick says:
one connotes that I am a former murderer

Nick says:
whereas the other connotes that I do not wish to BECOME a murderer, repentant or otherwise

the grubermeister says:
both connote deep psychological issues
the grubermeister says:
i'm scared of that part

Nick says:
So what you're saying is that a normal, well adjusted human being should make no effort to remain murder-free

the grubermeister says:
i'd be nice if that normal well-adjusted human being not make that his new year's resolution

Nick says:
why? you don't think non-violence is worthy of being a year's goal?

Nick says:
frankly, I find your flagrant disregard for human life disconcerting

the grubermeister says:
frankly, you took messing with me to a whole new level

Nick says:
Word

Now accepting applications for the "banter recepticle" position. Excelsior.

11:11 p.m. - 2006-01-02

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