justnick's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Intelligent design is just stupid Heaven, Sunrise. Hey, uh Jesus? Sir? Where is-oh, there you are. Yeah, uh, I've got those figures you wanted. Sweet. Give 'em here, slappy. I really wish you wouldn't call me names, Jesus, I-- Son of a bitch! What is it with these people?! I'm sure I don't know, sir. Premarital sex: on the rise! Still! The sixties are over, people! Move on! They don't listen, sir. Damn right, they don't listen! Back in the day, a case of clap and a couple dead rock stars did the trick. But now? Nothing! It's a shame, sir. I mean, what am I supposed to do, here? I sent them a plague already, what else am I supposed to do? If it isn't locusts, no one notices. AIDS, people! Pay attention! You've got to speak their language, sir. They speak several languages, asshole. And my mother tongue has been dead for a couple thousand years. Not what I meant, sir. I know, I know. I was joking, dude, try to keep up. You're right, though, you know that? I'm not the God of the people anymore. Who do they worship now, Buddha? Tell me I haven't been replaced by a fat bald guy. No, sir. What? What's with that tone? Oh, I get it. I'd rather be a fat bald guy than a black jewish communist, right? Well fuck you, guy. Not what I meant, sir. It's just that... it's not exactly a diety they worship. What, that pharaoh thing again? No, sir. Celebrity. .... Television and film-- I'm familiar with the concept, thank you! Shit, dude. Not cool. I'm sorry, sir. Not you, them. OK, well... hmm. OK, I'll deal with this later, I need to worry about this whole sin thing right now. I'm sick of this shit. Tell you what, level Mardi-Gras. Whole fuckin' thing. But sir, I-- Don't question me! And hey, level a couple of countries that think I'm a prophet or something, cool? And if that doesn't work? Destroy their false Idols. Of course, sir. One Year Later. Here you are, sir. No change, I'm afraid. Motherfucker! What the shit is wrong with these people? What do I have to do, already? I destroyed Mardi gras-- --not to mention a good deal of the deep south, sir. yeah, seriously. I mean, it still counts as sin if you're related, douchebags. And there was also the hurricanes, sir. And quakes. Tornadoes. And still with the AIDS. How do you ignore a plague? Well they did have that concert. Oh, fuck the concert. And fuck Bono, he's teeving my shtik. Right away, sir. You know what the topper is? False Idols? Gone! Aniston and Pitt, caputski. And did it do anything? At all? No! Actually, sir, that one did have quite an impact. Really? Hmm. Who does Angelina Jolie worship? Me? Awesome. OK, you know what? You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna put the two most beautiful people on the planet together, perfect couple. And you know what they're gonna do? Adopt. That's right. Go fuck yourself, human gene pool. That kid was gonna be hot. Excelsior. 1:58 a.m. - 2005-12-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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