justnick's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And it's about goddamn time, at that You know, we really, as a society, have a lot more to be thankful for than we realise for the most part. Not only do we live in an economically fit part of the world where the great bulk of our needs are met by forces we only have a vague comprehension of, but there are people--so many people--fighting, day and night, to make our world a better, safer place. The super heroes of the world, fighting the only fights that matter with hardly a word of thanks from the world at large. By now you have doubtlessly realised that I refer to one Justin Randall Timberlake. He has taken an epic quest upon himself for the betterment of mankind, to "bring sexy back," while I can imagine that the great bulk of you, like me, were blissfully unaware that sexy had gone anywhere in the first place. Oh, what fools we've been, ladies and gentlemen. Blind, ignorant fools. Thanks the hosts of heaven and Earth that there are benevolent souls like good sir Timberlake out there to keep us from blindly spiralling down the path of destruction. And yet another in the long line of Diana Rosses to split from their respective supremes is Fergie. Or "Fergie-Ferg" as she refers to herself, which I would imagine is her Catholic name. So I don't want to spoil it for you if you haven't heard it, but apparently every time a particular gentleman caller comes around, her "London-London bridge want to go down like Luodi-Londi-Londi..." and so forth. Now, bear with me here, because believe it or not, I actually didn't write this one off right away. I seriously did try to make some kind of sense out of this hook for a while. I figured, this 'woman' has the best body money can buy, so surely she also has equally expensive song writers, right? Well, expensive doesn't necessarily ensure quality of product, apparently, because not only does Fergie look like a drag queen, but that song is frikkin painfully dumb. My first thought was that perhaps the London Bridge was one of those foldie deals that lets ships through, and she was making a euphamism to legs spreading. But then I realised that the London bridge is a little on the older side for that sort of thing, so I kept thinking. Surely she didn't stumble accross this word combination randomly? Darts and a dictionary? Syllable count? Then I remembered the song. You know, London Bridge is falling down, etcetera. So she has taken a line from a children's song simply because it refers the word "down" in it, which can be twisted to be vaguely sexual. Now, the moral issues of turning a children's song into innuendo aside, I really do have to question--yet again--what the hell she's talking about. The London Bridge went down, one can assume, rather catastrophically, and in more of a collapsey manner than a seductive one. And what exactly is her 'London Bridge'? Her vagina? Her vagina wants to collapse? Is this song about a yeast infection? Her entire self? She wants to... ahem... 'go down' on him? Every single time she sees him? So then why is the rest of the song about dancing in the club and how hot she is? Is it just meaning she gets turned on? I guess that's what I'm supposed to assume, but I'm sorry, by what stretch of the imagination does "You make my London Bridge want to go down" equal "I find you attractive and feel we share great chemistry"? I think if someone told me I made their London Bridge want to go down, I would feel a little insulted. All that being said, however, she is still the sexiest guy in the world. So speaking of the sexiest guy in the world, guess who moved out of his parents place? ME! I'm all moved in, as most of you know, and I'm loving life by myself. You'll all be delighted and astonished to learn that I've actually been cleaning up after myself. Laundry I still have yet to fully master, however. Now if you'll all excuse me, I must go sleep. There are terrors in the night, but I rest easy knowing that there are true heroes out there. Watching over me while I sleep. Bringing sexy back. Once and for all. Godspeed. Excelsior. 11:24 p.m. - 2006-08-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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