justnick's Diaryland Diary

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I feel my true self can only be expressed through interpretive scent

Rap lyrics I've misunderstood:

"Oh you a Muslim now, no more dope game
Heard you might be comin home, just got bail
Wanna go to the Mosque, don't wanna chase tail"

turned into

"Oh you a Muslim now, no more dope game
Heard you might be comin home, just got bail
Wanna go to the Mosque, don't want no Scott Bayo"

and

"I want to own a fly casino, like Bubsy Seagal."

turned into

"I want to own a flock of seagulls, like Bubsy Seagal."

Those are my two favourites. So have you heard the latest? Seacrest and Teri hatcher and sucking face. Can you imagine the frikkin' children that household produce? It would want a reality TV show, a sitcom, a record deal, a movie deal, a fragrance which she feels really describes her as a person, a clothes line, shoe line, and like... the blood of thirty virgins, or something. They would have to devote an entire tabloid to it's exploits. Oh, and it would have to have one of those double names, right? Mary-Kate, Sarah Jessica, Sarah Michelle, etc. Except it would be named after some foreign place, or household appliance. Beirut Collander Hatcher-Seacrest, or some shit like that. Or if it was a normal name, it would pronounce it weird. Like how Ralph Finnes is somehow "Rafe". The "L" is silent, and the "E" is invisible, I guess. So something like Jaime Seacrest, except it's pronounced "Jum�tr�". Right?

And then there would be the inevitable descent into obscurity immediately followed by some tearful interview on Dateline with some kind of gigantic revelation about her life that we all kind of knew anyway.

"*sob*. I'm sorry, barbara, this is just very difficult for me. The media, it can be so cruel, you know? It's just very hard for me to admit some certain things because they've been kept hidden for so long and stuff! I mean, people think my life is so hard, but they dont know what it's really like to be me. My dad, he... he's a cyborg. And my mom, she's approximately 98% Botox and collagen. Oh, God! *sob*"

If it was a girl, she would have the body of a twelve year old male crack baby, and everyone would go on and on about how damn sexy she was, and how they want her to advertise their shit.

And if it was a boy, it would be Ben Mulroney, or Rick Campanelli. Excelsior.

4:47 p.m. - 2006-04-01

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