justnick's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You're just jealous 'cause you aren't a simian frontiersman... BGM: "Ready to Die" - Andrew W.K. [Ed: I really do think this one works a lot better with the music. Just a thought.] Hi, kids. I work at a shoe store. The name of this shoe store is Tony Shoes, and I work stock. Tony's is a specialty shoe store: we can fit any foot. The stock room, logically enough, isn't exactly the safest environment. Yesterday I got electrocuted. Today I got stabbed. You read that right. I might have exaggerrated, fine, but I have some poetic license around here so get used to it. Yesterday, while replacing a light bulb poised precariously high over a staircase, someone decided it was simply too dark. *flick* goes the switch. 'Aaaaaaaaaagh!' goes Nick. Luckily he turned the thing off before my hair caught fire. Today, I was reaching for a shoe box, when I felt a stabbing pain in my hand. I looked, and lo and behold, I was bleeding. Someone had decided that the drawer was an inconvineient spot for the cobbler's knife, apparently. I think it rather enjoyed it's new home in my finger. So I came back from my cousin's wedding, obviously. My cousins are all hitched now more or less, so that places me that much closer to the front of the line. Any takers? No? Damn. I had one of those creepy wedding moments, though. I see a cute girl, smile at her, she smiles back. So far so good, right? Wrong. "Who's that? Oh, that's your cousin Lisa's daughter. You don't remember her, I guess. It's been years since you two have seen each other." Abort! Abort! Abort! Now then. On to more..... topical matters. America sucks. There, I said it. Not only are your politics backwards and retarded, but you're all ugly fat puritains. I swear to god, there are more fat people per capita in the States than every Tim Horton's in Canada combined. And maybe I'm just spoiled living in Montreal, but I swear I saw more attractive women between the airport and the car once I was back than I did throughout the entire trip down. And then there's your fucked up alcohol laws. Hey Bush, ever heard of the forbidden fruit? Why do you think your teens go so insane when they get a whiff of the stuff? Cause you tell them they can't have it till they're freakin 21! In Canada, we aren't strict with alcohol. We figure, hey, if you're old enough to vote, chances are you can handle some wine with dinner. I've been drinking since I was a relatively young teen, and I'm not an alcoholic and have never been arrested. Yet for some reason, when surrounded by my family, I had a beer taken from my hands because I didn't have proof of age. At my own cousin's wedding! My whole extended family kept trying to sneak me wine and beer, but the people blacklisted me. By the end I wanted to get drunk and rowdy and violent and destructive just to spite the lot of them. So no wonder you get so many alcohol induced crimes with teens. Christ, doesn't take a rocket scientist. OK, I'm done my rant. [Ed: The opinions stated in the preceding do not in any way reflect the views of Diaryland and it's staff. God Bless Amercica.] I may have spoke a tad harshly there. I love all you american readers. But for the love of god, put your aunt on a diet. Excelsior. 8:13 p.m. - 2004-06-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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