justnick's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is why I have no future in Journalism Jeremiah was a bullfrog. He wasn't a particularly happy bullfrog, nor was he all that fond of marshes, but it certainly couldn't be denied that he was indeed a bullfrog. "I wasn't always a bullfrog," he could often be heard saying, "used to be a Prince, I did." Unfortunately for Jeremiah, however, it was exceedingly difficult to find a respectable Englishman who spoke Frog these days, let alone one who knew any especially open-minded princesses. "Bloody Hoyt's the only one who comes see me now. Annoys the piss out of me." If it was particularly sunny and clear outside, young Hoyt would often come to sit beside Jeremiah, who would grudgingly allow his presence, and bellow at him that he was a Prince. "Always steals my bloody wine, he does. You know how difficult it is for a bleedin' frog to steal a bottle of wine?" As Jeremiah was born into the lap of luxury, his taste in wine is rather sofisticated, which makes the process of stealing wine even more arduous. Finding an unattended bottle of well aged Cabarnet is hard enough for poor Jeremiah, but how he drags it home afterwards is an even more baffling mystetry. "Well I ain't gonna tell you. I tell you how I does it, and every bloody frog in the swamp'll start doin' it, and where does that leave me? I needs the wine to get the bugs down. Got to be drunk to eat bugs, oi?" And so, day after day, Jeremiah shares his hard-earned inebriates with the blissfully unaware Hoyt. "Never know when he's going to bring a princess around, do ya? Once he brought a farmers daughter who licked me on the face. Didn't do the trick, though. Still a frog." Beyond lonliness, communication is still his biggest problem, however. "Made me a crown out of tin foil one time. Stuck it on me head with mud. Wore it for a week, but it kept attracting birds. Rather be a living frog in the swamp than a dead Prince in some bird's belly." And so, fair princesses of the land, if ever you find yourselves in a marsh and you happen to see an unhappy-looking frog, ask him if his name is Jeremiah. You just might get a husband and a nice bottle of wine out of it. 3:30 p.m. - 2007-03-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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